THE MAN WHO TURNS THE DAMN THING OFF AND ON

The world's not what it used to be
In love or war or industry.
We face the harsh reality
That this sweet land of liberty
Now contemplates eternity
Plugged into electricity
And programmed by technology
For maximum efficiency.
For instance, see
What happened to me...

When I went down to the factory,
I said, "Hey, you got any job for me?"
They said, "Son, the days of the workin' man
Are dead and gone."
They said, "Computer now does everything
But there does happen to be one opening
For the man who'll turn the damn thing off and on."

Now I'm the man who turns the damn thing off and on.
I give it a twist in the evening like this
And a little bitty flick at dawn.
I know I should be overjoyed.
I'm the only one in town employed.
I'm the man who turns the damn thing off and on.

So, feelin' exhausted from my first day's labor,
I went home to see my baby.
She was lyin' in bed with a smile on her face,
And I heard a buzzin' sound.
She said, "I don't need no mortal men.
This vibrator does the work of ten,
But since you're so in love with me,
I'll let you stick around
And be the man who turns the damn thing off and on."

I give it a twist in the evening like this
And a little bitty flick at dawn.
I know I should be gratified...
She lets me lie here by her side
And be the man who turns the damn thing off and on.

Words and music by Shel Silverstein
From Bob Gibson's "Making A Mess of Commercial Success", 1995